They're Slimy and Noisy and Poop A Lot

Can a person like kids, love them, even, and yet still not want to have nay of his or her own? Does that make sense? Is my biological clock on mute, or snooze? I look at babies and toddlers that I know or am related to and I find them endlessly fascinating. They are strange little monkeys, all spazzy and strange and full of id. They say nonsensical things, if they say anything at all, but they are comfortable with expressions of base human instinct like biting, hitting, and flirting. And manipulation. They are amazing in their ability to soak up knowledge, but they are also so self centered as to border on sociopathic narcissism. And yes, I'm still talking about 2-year-olds.

The point is that itty-bitty kids are something I have an affinity for. We get along; we see eye-to-eye, metaphorically. Now, I'm a bit more in touch with my inner toddler than some, but I also believe that I treat them like people, not like legacies or investments, so that might give me some different perspective. But the thought of getting pregnant, getting fat, then having your insides pushed outside by a foreign human being makes me want to run for the hills. There is no mystery to the miracle of childbirth-- there is only bodily fluid, pain, and the overall sense of being some sort of sweaty, breeding animal. That's according to my two closest friends/moms, who thankfully are very honest about their experience. Why would anyone sign up for that? And why am I thinking about signing up for that? Am I serious?

There will be no childrearing in my immediate future, this I can guarantee. But I want to know just how it is that people make up their minds to have a baby. Why do they do it? How do they justify the discomfort and terror and expense? What if the kid turns out stupid? And I don't mean developmentally disabled, I mean stupid. If my kid ended up a Republican, or a terrible student, or something else unimaginable, how on Earth would I love them? Am I a terrible person for even thinking of such a thing? Maybe. But at least I'm honest.

Originally written 11.07