I Grossed Myself Out Today

KGO topic: the clap. There is a marked increase in cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis in the United States, and Gil asked the fundamental question: why are we wasting money on abstinence-only education? Federal money is actually preventing children from getting accurate safe sex and birth control information. Federal money goes to programs that hope-to-God teenagers don’t figure out how their bodies lock together. Federal money is NOT preventing junior high girls from having oral sex in record numbers. And as a feminist aside, someone needs to tell these little boys the meaning of the word reciprocation. You see where I’m at on this subject. So I needed to book a guest who was all about the “purity” and waging war on popular society and its slutty, slutty ways.

It happens rarely, but sometimes I have to call an organization that runs counter to everything I’ve ever believed in. I booked that crazy family member from the Fred-Phelps-Church-of-Abhorrent-Behavior not long ago; I had to be nice to John Bolton when I talked to him; and today, I booked Leslee Unruh. She is the head of an abstinence clearinghouse, as well as a true-believer in the anti-choice movement. Planned Parenthood practically has a dossier on her. I’m inherently mistrustful of females in the business of legislating other women’s bodies. Men who do it are just ignorant idiots, but women who do it are missing a piece of their soul. The fact that this woman is also a homophobe is just icing on the bile-cake. But I needed her to talk to Gil about her side, the foreign side, the side I will never ever get. And she did a good job, objectively speaking. But it disturbed me on a profound level that I had to be conciliatory to someone like that. That I had to use my phone voice and that I had to waste my effervescent wit on her. Those were jokes I’ll never get back!

But people like her need to exist in order to provide me with contrast. Without that side’s promotion of shame and restriction and close-mindedness, I have no context. No one to be the wrong to my right. No one to inspire me to arm myself with the knowledge I need to be an able foe to my ideological nemeses.

Wow. I’m like Buffy The Ignorance Slayer.

Originally written 11.07

Hillary Clinton and I Are Not Your Bitches

From Stanley Crouch: "On TV, Clinton seems by turns icy, contrived, hysterical, sentimental, bitter, manipulative and self-righteous. In short, dehumanized by the mysterious dictates of technology, she takes on qualities that most people hate."

 She has been called a ball-buster, a whiner, an ice queen; her suits are mocked, her displays of non-robotic behavior are mocked; Chris Matthews has thrown away whatever journalistic integrity he might have clung to before by being openly biased against her.  Under the guise of a tough political race, Hillary Clinton is being defined by her gender.  I don't care if you don't believe it.  When women like Camille Paglia go so far as to chastise her for not connecting with today's feminists, and women across the country are still pissed off by her decision to stay with her husband after he cheated on her, we are not playing on a level field.

And I'm over it.  The first time I was ever called a bitch I was ten years old.  Not because I was mean to someone, or malicious, or rude; but because I spoke.  I have always been unabashedly opinionated.  I have never suffered fools, or b.s.  Even at the age of ten I was defiant in the face of societal gender traps, and expected everyone else to follow suit.  I am not defined by my gender, I am defined by my intelligence.

I've been called strident, obnoxious, loud; the favorite of my high school peers in the '90's was "dyke."  (Short hair, skater clothes, and avoiding dances could really set you back at that time.)  Girls are not well rewarded for being independent thinkers, not if it comes with a forthright personality.  You can be smart, but don't be all flashy about it.  You can have opinions, but not too many, or you're uppity.  You can be ambitious, but don't aspire to jobs men already dominate.  I get called agressive, when a man would be called assertive. 

Hillary Clinton is perfectly qualified for the Presidency.  She's smart, savvy, and well-connected.  She's already two up on the current President right there.  Her choice of pantsuits is irrelevant.  Her decision to stay with her husband is irrelevant.  If I hear one more person refer to her voice as shrill, I'm going to lose it.  And my voice doesn't do that upper register thing, so it's nothing but irate verbal evisceration if I get that mad.  Anyway, Bill Maher and Chris Matthews are often shrill, and never get called on it.  And President Bush is practically illiterate.

Don't define me, or Hillary Clinton, by our lady parts.

Originally written 9.08

Blogging the GOP Convention, 2008 Part 3

I’m a feminist. I’ve waited my whole life to see a female be considered seriously for the highest offices in the country. I’ve spent long stretches of time pondering what a woman would be able to do for this country that centuries of white men haven’t. And even though I’m a Democrat, I should be thrilled that the stodgy ol’ GOP has finally gotten the cajones to put a woman on their ticket. I’m not.

Sarah Palin’s speech last night was full of ass-whuppin’ rhetoric and pointed attacks. Thrilling for the GOP base, nervous-making for the Democrats. But she ran the risk of completely pissing off Clinton voters and moderates who wanted to hear strategy and policy on Iraq, the economy, and healthcare. My feminism kicks in when I hear her called the best “man” for the job. And if I hear one more talking head refer to how “macho” she was I’m going to set something on fire. She is a woman, and she’s tough. Period. As a fellow tough woman I am disturbed by my initial reaction to her speech, which was to think that she’s a total bitch.

Day 3:

1. Mitt Romney ran through Radio Row like he was being chased by a flock of homosexuals. He looks like a game show host, and not in the endearing-Chuck-Woolery way.

2. Jon Voight whored himself out to the media for hours yesterday, at one point standing right in front of our booth with a crowd 5-deep around him. I went and got security to move them out of the way.

3. Gil interviewed Lou Sheldon from the Traditional Values Coalition yesterday, and I couldn’t look that little old man in the face. His blue eyes burn like he’s the Devil himself.

4. If you’re ever in Tulsa, Oklahoma, look up the guys from KRMG. Joe, Rick, and Drew are seriously the nicest guys on the planet.

5. Carla Marinucci from the SF Chronicle is brilliant, read her often.

6. KGO is famous and well-respected all across the country, it turns out. Don’t take us for granted.

7. The Log Cabin Republicans may be incredibly misguided, in my opinion, but it takes incredible bravery to mingle with people who hate your guts.

Originally written 9.08

Blogging the GOP Convention, 2008 Part 2

I don’t care if my President or Vice President has smoked pot. Or done coke when he or she was in college, for that matter. I get it. I do care, however, if his or her children get knocked up at 17. I want them to be aware enough to see what’s happening under their noses, whether it’s their kid having unprotected sex or a sibling spiraling into drug addiction. And a conservative anti-abortion, pro-creationism family keeping an unwanted pregnancy is no big shocker. And just because a woman is “relatable” doesn’t mean she’s qualified.

Observations from Day 2!

1. Governor Huckabee had a crush of TV cameras and microphones in his face, trying to press his way through Radio Row. He’s kind of short.

2. There’s no amount of soap that can cleanse me after accidentally shaking the hand of the Reverend Lou Sheldon, head of the Traditional Values Coalition. Ick.

3. There is one thing more frightening to me than the hard-core Christian conservatives—Young Republicans. All I see is that scene in Pink Floyd’s The Wall with the faceless students on a factory assembly line.

4. St. Paul has some really cool antique stores on West 7th Street. Check them out sometime.

5. Anarchist protestors are idiots and deserved to get concussion grenades tossed at them. I was around the corner waiting for my hotel shuttle at the time.

6. Joe Lieberman is patronizing and in for a serious wake-up call if the Democrats increase their margin in Congress.

7. Radio people are smarter and more fun than TV people.

Originally written 9.08

Blogging the GOP Convention, 2008

Day 1!

A few observations from day one of the Republican convention, and my issues with Sarah Palin, enumerated.

1) GOP women vs. Democrat women: skirt suits and high heels vs. pantsuits and sensible heels. Big hair and heavy makeup vs. edgy haircuts and lip gloss. Cloying perfume vs. patchouli.

2) Orrin Hatch had an entourage and people flocking to him like he was Elvis.

3) Sport coats, everywhere, mostly navy blue.

4) More African-Americans than I expected.

5) Gil is a frickin’ rock star on Radio Row.

6) TONS of National Guard, Sheriffs, cops, and K-9 units.

7) TV stations think they’re better than us.

8) John McCain was held captive with some outstanding men, 3 of whom I had the pleasure of meeting yesterday. Thank you, Dave Wheat, Larry Friese, and Rod Knutson.

9) Republicans can be very very nice people.

10) Not a lot of tattoos running around.

We’ve got a full day of convention today, so perhaps I’ll be more insightful tomorrow.

Let’s get one thing straight about Sarah Palin’s anti-abortion stance. The way it is being leveraged is insulting to Democrats and to women. This may come as a shock, but Democrats don’t get pregnant just so they can get abortions. We don’t like it. No one does. Democrats don’t abort babies with Down’s Syndrome any more than Republicans do. We also manage to make birth control a priority, so as to prevent unplanned pregnancy and avoid abortion all together. If Sarah Palin gave a flying crap about her daughter’s future, she would have had a birth control conversation with Bristol. Instead she is happy that her daughter is permanently compromising the life she could have had in favor of raising a child. As someone who has observed a great number of teenage pregnancies in her hometown, I feel safe telling you that Bristol’s dreams and ambitions are now in a state of suspended animation, never to be fulfilled the way they should be. And she is shackled to her boyfriend of one year, whether they end up being truly compatible or not. It’s sad and unfair, that Bristol wasn’t prepared for sex properly and that her “family values” have led her to this place. Excellent parenting, right?

Originally written 9.08

Prepping for the GOP Convention, 2008

I mull a lot. When I’m alone, sitting, reading, staring, I mull. Lately

I’ve been mulling my upcoming business trip. I’ve never been on a trip anywhere that was work-sponsored, unless you count smelly bus rides to San Francisco from Fresno for free radio station-affiliated concerts. So I’m proud of the business trip thing.

The fact that I’m going to be in the belly of the beast for a week is the mull-worthy part. The beast being the Republican party, the belly digesting me with its caustic acid being the Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minneapolis, beginning next week. The nightmare version of this is a lot of rednecks, white hair, and blue-state hatin’. Not my ideal patriotic combination. Homophobia thick in the air, people wanting to raid my womb before I’ve decided what to do with it, people shielding themselves from reality with their shallow concept of Jesus…what’s a girl to do? On the surface, I will stick out like a sore thumb—I’m surly, semi-visibly tattooed, short-haired, a media-type with a chip already installed, right there, on my shoulder. So is it weird that I’m excited to go?

I know the nightmare version is not the truth. I know that the RNC will be exactly what the DNC is, both on its surface and at its core. On the surface, it as an opportunity to lay it all out there, to inspire the country and the voters; at the core it is a VERY well-worded simultaneous ego-stroke and sales pitch. But we, Americans, right left and everyone else, have a right to this process. We have a right to stand up for the person we want to steer our ship. The conventions might be a bit dog-and-pony, but everyone there, even the Republicans that freak me out when gathered en masse, want the same things. A job, safety, food, a future for their families. I am looking forward, I think, to interacting with people who believe in the Democratic process as much as I do.

And for all intents and purposes, I like John McCain. I find nothing about him to be slimier than any typical politician; he’s courageous and savvy and experienced. I’m not voting for him, by any stretch of the imagination, but my issues with his party are not the same as my issues with him. And my issues with his party are too broad in scope to enumerate here. But the fact that I get to witness John McCain’s nomination to the office of President is an honor, in my mind, and one I plan to enjoy. Then I’m going to go out into Minneapolis and get a tattoo to mark the occasion. Seriously.

Originally written 9.08

Tolerance, Schmolerance

I will certainly have my Commie Pinko card revoked after I tell you that Bay Area liberals can be a smug bunch. If you pee on yourself in public, smell like a broke-down sweage plant, or shout down poor innocent tourists from Wichita while they're buying sourdough bread, then you have a welcome place in this city-- set up your cardboard house anywhere! But if you give off even a whiff of conservatism, an iota of the dirty smell of capitalism, you are as good as hanged in the court of public opinion.

Why do I care? I am a solid liberal, always have been, and I come from a family of Democrats. I worked for Bernie Ward, happily, for years. And I'm a woman, so my capacity for compassion is allegedly larger than most. (We'll get into sexist stereotypes in another blog.) So I ask you, again, why do I care?__Because I take great pride in my self-righteousness. When I lay the verbal smackdown on someone who is trying to tell me that gays are Satan's minions or abortion is the murder of little tiny people, I want to make sure I let them have enough rope to hang themselves before I go all berzerker on them. When you squelch an opposing view, or disregard someone as a raving lunatic just because he disagrees with you, you aren't setting yourself up for moral victory. You're defeating an opponent by sticking your fingers in your ears and going, "I can't hear you! La la la lalalala..." Listen to what they say. Take mental notes. Refute every point with a fact that you know (read: didn't make up) to be true. Don't generalize. And if there is no argument to be won, if the person is just too stupid to grasp the concept of shades of grey, then what the hell are you doing talking to them anyway? Find different people to socialize with.

Intolerance is intolerance, whether you like it or not. Bay Area liberals need to realize that we are not all alone in this world, and that no one actually listens to the radical sect of the Democratic party because they all sound like hyperventilating children. Same for the crazier Republicans (O'Reilly, Savage, anyone?) Get a grip, and own the fact that in order for us to be right, we have to be able to engender conversation that proves other people wrong. Don't cheapen my self-righteousness.