If You Like it Dirty Late at Night, Well....

 There's something about late night television that you should accept: no one gives a shit about Jay or Dave anymore. Jay's a terminally unhip schlub who stole Conan O'Brien's career and Dave, while much more palatable and edgy, is still getting up there in years and pulls the same tie-adjusting-slightly-corny tics and tricks he's been using for thirty years. I love you Dave, but I can only take two decades of the Top Ten not being very funny.

Plus the format is tired. Clapclapclap, monologue with jokes about something that happened two days ago, band plays filler, pre-taped bit, then big name guest comes out, ego stroke, small time guest comes out to plug book or TV show (because TV stars are C-list compared to film stars), then possible musical guest, good night.

So the rigamarole of the late-night talk show is depressingly familiar and hard to upend. I'm not a big Kimmel fan, although I loved the Lost specials he did when the show was going off the air. But he often feels like too much of a shill for ABC, like they take corporate synergy WAY too seriously. He pokes a little fun at the latest Dancing With the Stars castoff, but it's all a bit glossy for me. Jimmy Fallon is funny, amiable, cool, and young, but I'm not a big "funny song" kind of girl, and his energy is a bit nervous. Fallon does get points for coming up with original and fun stuff to do with his celebrities that don't include eliciting the same five stories from these actors that everyone on a press junket gets. One other problem with Fallon: he's on at the same time as the one guy who gives late night viewers a subversive, smart, and strange option (granted you can stay up late enough.)

Craig in his "poorly-lit basement"

Craig Ferguson has always been funny, intelligent, and self-deprecating. Late night guys have to be. But I knew he was really something special when he came on the air after his dad died. Ferguson improvs his monologues, so they can get a little tangential and silly; but this night, January 30, 2006 -- Ferguson spoke directly from his heart, eulogizing his father with a mix of rueful and hysterical stories and effectively introduced the audience to a vividly drawn picture of his beloved parent. For a variety TV host to open himself up like that, to turn his pain and grief into something universal and FUNNY….I was bawling and laughing and moved, profoundly. You can watch it for yourself here and here.

And so my dedication to this Scottish (now-naturalized) crazy person began, and no matter my work schedule I try to religiously watch him. Repeat viewing is rewarded by this show -- jokes carry over into the next night, sometimes for weeks, and there's a plethora of regular guests who have running gags (Kristen Bell, Lauren Graham, Chris Hardwick,) plus puppets who open the show (Sid the potty-mouthed bunny, Wavy the stoner cajun alligator,) and a gay robot  skeleton sidekick named Geoff Peterson. Gay. Robot. Skeleton sidekick.

Geoff is literally a stationary robot with a skeleton head, a metal mohawk, and a cheap suit draped with Mardi Gras beads. He has his own podium on stage, and as voiced by the exceptionally talented Josh Robert Thompson, he is the perfect representation of the silly slyness that Ferguson's show lives and breathes. It shouldn't work -- you can see Geoff's a bucket of parts cobbled together by Grant from Mythbusters, and he can't move very much, and he's got cold LED lights for eyes. But the writers, the voice, and Craig himself have imbued this inanimate object with a fucking soul, I swear to god. And Geoff has become integral to the show -- Thompson is off for two weeks right now, during which time they have plugged celebrities into his chair to be the voice of Geoff. Alfred Molina, Thomas Lennon, and Larry King all had a go last week. This week it's been ladies, and while Lauren Graham kinda bombed, Paula Poundstone and Angela Kinsey have saved some face since then. All of these performers gamely shared a desire to play -- to play along, to play with expectations, to play up the sheer strangeness of this late night experiment.

Larry King as Geoff - note the suspenders

The Late Late Show is the only television show of its kind that has won a Peabody award--for an hour-long interview with Desmond Tutu in which Ferguson displayed vast knowledge of South Africa's geo-political history-- while also staging awesome lip-synced numbers to punk songs in French and Duran Duran covers of "White Lines." The Late Late Show went highbrow and became "Le Late Late Show avec Craig Ferguson" for a week when Craig, Geoff, and Kristen Bell went to Paris and shot a week's worth of shows in and around the city. Mind you, there was zero real studio. They had no permits. They literally set up a card table on the sidewalk and slid through Versailles with socks on, because it seemed like the thing to do. And then the next day there's a "mouth organ" joke and an obscure Doctor Who reference. It's like a post-modern, Henson-less Muppet Show with more dirty jokes.

So if you are into the late-night talk show thing and have yet to give Craig Ferguson a go, please please do yourself a favor. Watch him, once, and tell me that he isn't the most original thing you've seen after midnight (outside of Adult Swim.) And watch some of the stuff from the Paris shows if you can't stay up that late. SO totally worth it.

Fall TV Time-Suck in 3..2..1!

The fall TV season is upon us, and it is probably my single favorite time of year. Yes, for reals. I've got a breakdown of the more interesting launches of the next few weeks, and if you want to check out a complete fall schedule for the networks, Entertainment Weekly has a good look at them.

A preface.

I watch more TV than anyone I know. I mean scripted television, the hard stuff, not the brain-cell-killing Jersey/Kardashian/Housewives candy-colored crapola*. I watch sci-fi, fantasy, comedy, dramedy, drama, procedural, docu-series, musicals, almost all of it. I've been obsessed with it since my earliest memories, when Greatest American Hero and Wonder Woman were being rerun in syndication and my mother watched shows that were over my head like Hill Street Blues and All in the Family.  I consider television to be the most challenging and relevant medium we have, and to create a brilliant TV series is to touch the gods of narrative and make them your bitches. Not every brilliant show is brilliant all the time, because to create 22 episodes of genius every year is an insurmountable task for even the most intelligent and ambitious writers. And the writers are the creative power in TV, more than anywhere else.

Unfortunately for these wonderful writers, the networks want moneymoneymoney, so scores of good-could-be-great shows are never given the chance to breathe and settle in to their writing staff and characters. So expect a bloodbath of cancellations before November -- when you are a big sci-fi/fantasy fan like me, you get used to your genre programs getting slaughtered in their infancy. RIP Space: Above and Beyond, Twin Peaks, Firefly, Wonderfalls, Pushing Daisies, Caprica, Dollhouse, Life On Mars, etc. etc.

Gratuitous Whedon Photo

SO! I want you to feel safe taking a recommendation from me because not only am I a voracious consumer of the product, but I guarantee I will be watching every one of these new shows for at least 3 or 4 weeks, to see if they can make a go of it. If something's terrible, I will suffer along with you.

TEN NEW SHOWS THAT DON'T LOOK LIKE GARBAGE:

Ringer
Sarah Michelle Gellar is Buffy Summers. Period. BUT! She's also an incredibly deft actress, and she's been given a high-concept show in which she gets to play estranged twins (addict stripper and secretive socialite.) There are faked deaths, murders, and a lot of SMG-patented pointed glaring. Sounds just like our Slayer.
Premieres Tuesday 9/13 at 9pm on CW

Applegate and Arnett go gaga

Up All Night
Christina Applegate, Will Arnett, and Maya Rudolph are starring in this comedy about 40 year olds who give up their extended adolescence and have a kid. It's been made very clear in press reports that this show is less about the baby and more about a specific generation (mine) doing the kids thing late, and the situational comedy that comes from that. Whatever. The previews made me pee a little, and the stars are all at the top of their game. Not watching would be, in the words of Gob Bluth, "a huge mistake."
Series preview Wednesday 9/14 at 10pm on NBC

Kat Dennings is yum.

2 Broke Girls
Another comedy that looks as savvy and biting as a laugh-tracked show can be is this Kat Dennings vehicle from CBS. CBS comedies are hit-or-miss really, not super-edgy or groundbreaking, but not appalling. This one, about a blue collar girl and a formerly rich girl waiting tables and having shenanigans looks younger and more fun than anything the network has put out since How I Met Your Mother started. Dennings is delicious and rough, so let's hope the jokes stay fresh.
Premieres Monday 9/19 at 8:30pm on CBS

Pan Am
Did you know the employees of Pan Am (the only global airline in 1963, when this show is set) were enlisted in espionage for the US Government? Me neither. But the premise of this show is based on a real woman's experiences, so I'm intrigued by the concept. Pan Am is also an ABC drama, though, so there will be good soapy elements and family/relationship drama to keep it multi-dimensional. One thing that might bug me: no one will be smoking. In 1963. Ah, Disney.
Premieres Sunday 9/25 at 10pm on ABC

Prime Suspect
Cop shows are hard to do in a fresh way -- and while PS has an impeccable British pedigree (Helen frisking Mirren!,) American cops are harder, nastier, and carry more weaponry than their English counterparts. So this new version starring Maria Bello will reflect that in its portrayal of a New York detective with a big mouth, a big attitude, and very cool hat. To have a procedural drama from a female perspective is HUGE, particularly when the woman gets to be rough around the edges. Bello is an amazing actor, and her supporting cast is stellar (Aidan Quinn, Kirk Acevedo.) Plus Exec Producer Peter Berg did Friday Night Lights. Sold.
Premieres Thursday 9/22 at 10pm on NBC

Terra Nova

Jason O'Mara. Not hideous.

If only for the fact that I've been waiting to see this thing for over a year. Spielberg goes back to his dinosaur roots with a time travel sci-fi epic starring Jason O'Mara and Stephen Lang (the bad guy from Avatar.) The conceit: humans ruin the planet. A chink in the armor of the time-space continuum allows people to be sent ALL the way back. Like, dinosaur times. So humans begin resettling our planet in an effort to head off  the nightmare Al Gore warned us about. Why the past resettling doesn't change the state of the current devastated planet in real time is a paradoxical conundrum best answered by The Doctor. But that's another show. 
Premieres Monday 9/26 at 8pm on FOX


Person of Interest
Michael Emerson is singularly creepy, and it's not his fault. The characters he plays are always emotionally and mentally disturbed to the point where they can't possibly be viewed as much more than pitiful (see: Ben Linus on Lost.) So to see him as a zillionaire who teams up with Jesus Jim Caviezel to prevent violent crime….a thrilling opportunity. Caviezel is handsome, stoic, yet intensely vulnerable, and every word out of Emerson's mouth sounds like it has a dozen strings attached. And you hang on every nuance. From the mind of JJ Abrams, if you needed more convincing.
Premieres Thursday 9/22 at 9pm on CBS

  

Look how kooky I am! Glasses!

New Girl
Zooey Deschanel is a hipster cottage industry unto herself, but her personal cuteness has gotten in the way of her actual skill lately. A sitcom with her as a hip, kooky, and newly single girl who moves in with a group of dudes sounds like a perfect opportunity to get her comedic timing back on the front burner. The incessant promos over the summer killed every joke in the pilot, though, so a couple extra weeks will be needed to see if a) the jokes stay fun and b) the guy they got to replace Damon Wayans Jr. is any good.
Premieres Tuesday 9/20 at 9pm on FOX

 The Secret Circle
If you're into Pretty Little Liars, Vampire Diaries or Supernatural, then SC is going to work for you. It's got young hot people. Witchcraft. Family secrets. Jealousy, hormones, and soapy sudsy goodness. The star, Britt Robertson, is lovely and intuitive as an actor, and Thomas Dekker (Sarah Conner Chronicles) deserves a hit show. This might be outside the wheelhouse of the average 30-something but y'all need to loosen up.
Premieres Thursday 9/15 at 9pm on CW

Once Upon a Time
In a small town in Maine, fairy tale characters are real people. They don't know who they are, but they exist. Gothic fantasy combined with character-driven drama, suspense, and an outstanding cast (Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Morrison, Robert Carlyle, Lana Parilla) make this something that could be very, very, VERY good. The writers in charge are Lost vets, and genre scribe extraordinaire Jane Espenson is producing. Nerd-gasm.
Premieres Sunday 10/23 at 8pm on ABC

American Horror Story
Very little is known about this show from Ryan Murphy (yes, he did Glee, but he also did Nip/Tuck) other than it stars Connie Britton, Dylan McDermott, and Jessica Lange and it is supposed to be capital-s SCARY. And dirty. Just look at one of the posters, then go check out the teasers:

Premieres Wednesday 10/5 at 10pm on FX (cable!)

Annie Ilonzeh, Rachael Taylor and Minka Kelly are the new Angels

ALL THE REST:
Don't fret that you will never have time to see everything you want to see -- between  live viewings, On Demand, Hulu, and the network showing "Encore Programming" on Saturdays, it's easier than ever to access the stuff you want to watch. If you need advice or tutorials, let me know. I can effectively make time out of thin air when it comes to DVRing.

You may be asking "What about those sexy Charlie's Angels? Or the Playboy Show! The one with the, uh, Playboy stuff! Don't those make the list?"

No. The Playboy Club won't be as biting or satirical as it could be if it didn't have Hugh Hefner's approval, and it's way too easy to go uber-sexist within this premise. Plus, I can only handle one period drama with no smoking in it (see: Pan Am.) As for Charlie's Angels, I'll give it a couple weeks because I like girls who shoot people (on TV, people, relax) but I'm conflicted about Minka Kelly. It's her mouth. And the potential for sexism on this show is high, too.


And on any other list, there may be mention of the new supernatural cop show called Grimm. But Grimm is on Fridays at 9pm, opposite Fringe and Supernatural. No one wins that battle, least of all the newbie NBC show. On Demand viewing for sure.

Talking about the returning shows that are near and dear to my heart would take up even more of your eye-effort, so just know that I will be in nirvana once Fringe, Parks and Recreation, Community, Supernatural, Vampire Diaries, Modern Family, The Good Wife, Chuck, and The Walking Dead all come back. And Sons of Anarchy already started. And this doesn't include mid-season launches. We'll do this again in January.

So get a babysitter and call in sick to work. We've got TV to watch.



*I'm not immune to reality TV's charms. I watch: So You Think You Can Dance, Project Runway, Top Chef and America's Next Top Model, and I liked The Voice a lot. I also like the shows where they remake your business or teach you how to better yourself in a non-plastic surgery kind of way. Or the ones where they build you a new bathroom.

Only Thing the VMA's Were Good For

I'm preparing to re-read The Hunger Games trilogy, not just in anticipation of next year's movie, but for the fun of it. I said it: reading is fun. At the MTV Video Music Awards last weekend a teaser trailer was revealed featuring Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss, and it was all I could do to now chuck the book I'm currently reading and launch right into the tale of a girl, her family, two guys, and a seriously fucked up dystopian vision of the United States. Check out the teaser:

Suzanne Collins' books (Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay) are technically for teens. When and if you read them, you'll realize that not only is this a serious misconception, but book critics who pooh-pooh younger-skewing novels are big jerks, and Katniss Everdeen is as real, as fleshed out, as compelling a character as anyone Dave Eggers or Jonathan Franzen ever cobbled together from letters. More so, because those writers and their fancypants brethren (while infinitely skilled, amazing, auteurs, blah blah) are also a bit on the unrelatable side. They tend towards the overly-wrought. Collins writes like a punch in the stomach, direct and unflinching, with no handwringing. Perfect.

In reality there are dozens of books being published right now under the Young Adult banner that are superbly crafted novels, period. YA stuff gets a bad rap from serious literati types because, well, the characters are primarily teenagers. Teenagers in real life are messy and horny and not always possessed of introspection into the human condition. Teenagers in fiction are created by adults, though, and thus have the ability to distill their chaotic hormone-soaked feelings into logical action. They are relatable to us as adults now, and to the inner teen we all still carry. Messy, horny, chaotic.
If you've read and liked Hunger Games, try a few of the other sci-fi/fantasy/post-apocalyptic books that have come out of the woodwork recently: Delirium by Lauren Oliver; Divergent by Veronica Roth; Matched by Ally Condie; and Incarceron by Catherine Fisher.

My Stunted Creativity is Your Gain

I spend entirely too much time with my nose to my smartphone, playing Yahtzee Adventure and lamenting my current career stallage, silently pissing and moaning about my lack of opportunity.
Today is the day I realized the internet is its own opportunity, and my idiot brain and idiot hands are all that is needed to create my own outlet for the ridiculous number of words that clog my head at any given moment on any given day. I say "idiot" because it's an obvious solution, an obvious fix, and I tend towards the Type-A-know-it-all class of folks, so…I loathe admitting that I've been my own enemy. Idiot.

Steve from Collider.com and me at Wonder Con

Truthfully, I LIKE getting in my own way. I must! I do it early and often. I secretly judge acquaintances who thrive on relationship drama, but I don't know that my perpetual procrastination and refusal to live up to my potential is really any better. I thrive on career drama. To my loving husband who is awesome: you really suck at giving me any bullshit to obsess over. Could you please consider a) smearing a random lipstick on your collar, b) telling me "you look fat in that," or c) smacking one of my friends on the ass? It would help get my mind off my work, or lack thereof. Thanks.

I've decide to throw my bag of self-sabotaging tricks out the window, though, and just do it, this, blogging-- for fun. I remember when writing and the idea of writing was fun before anything else. Hmph.

So this is what you're gonna get: some snark, a lot of geeky adulation and sincere fangirl wistfulness, and a deep love and understanding of television in particular. I'll include reviews and speculation and coverage of genre entertainment of all kinds, plus comic books, movies, fiction (like, real books,) and the artists that produce and create the bright and shiny escapism we all consume. I like to recommend huge swaths of books and TV shows, so expect dips into my library too.

I will eventually branch into the podcasting realm, because if there's one thing I'm better at than anything, it's talking. Consider yourselves forewarned.

Don't Get Your Nerd On Without Me

Comic-Con has descended on San Diego, geeks in a thick blanket over the city like locusts devouring a midwest crop. The geeks, my brethren, they gnaw at the new movie and TV footage unveiled there; they gnash their chompers at the bastardization of precious geek-verse commodities; their antennae wiggle waggle when they detect Olivia Munn from Attack of the Show anywhere nearby. These are my people, as my husband likes to remind me.

When I was a little kid I was positive I was going to grow up to have superpowers or be a vampire. And when I say positive, I mean pillowcase-on-the-shoulders, jumping off the couch, waiting for my mad flying skills to kick in. And why wouldn't it happen? I wanted it badly enough. I was a relatively well-behaved child, which is to say I had ethics even when I was being a brat. I could use my powers for good, not evil, with a couple of brief pit-stops for mischief or good-natured trickery. No super-villainy. As a vampire I would only feed on evil-doers, of course. And then I'd be able to amass a great fortune and travel the world and have long flowy hair and perfect skin. I would scrunch my face up and concentrate on moving that pencil over there with my mind. I would stay perfectly still and close my eyes and will myself to hear people's thoughts. Now I'm a good judge of character, and very occasionally I'm a little bit psychic, but I'm also visible and bound by gravity and of average strength. Not super.

All those people at Comic-Con? They aren't super either. Maybe it's that we're not willing to contain our imaginations. Maybe it's that we needed to fit in somewhere, and the best place we fit

is on alternate planets, in other galaxies, anywhere but here. Maybe we have a predilection for homemade costumes made from shiny synthetic fibers and a vast collection of Pogs we need to get rid of. It makes no difference, because the last thing a Comic-Con attendee is going to do is pass judgment on a person according to socially-mandated standards of "normal." If you get Green Lantern and The Green Hornet mixed up, though, stop drop and roll, dude. Get out of there.

I know Comic-Con is TOO BIG. I've been there. It's lines for years and crowds like you've never seen outside of countries with severe civil unrest; it's embarrassing to see some studios and execs pimp projects like freak show barkers. There are people at Comic-Con who have never even picked up a comic book, much less held one by its spine with gloves on. I don't give a flying fig. The purists are still there. The ones who tied the pillow case around their shoulders and jumped off the couch. I am them. We are a tribe.

Originally written 7.09

Stuff I'm Thankful For

All this plus my health and my family, obviously.

Stuff I’m Thankful For:

The fact that so many white folks gamble their money away at reservation casinos; CuteOverload.com; Tim Goodman; The Barenaked Ladies; “Buffy,” “Angel,” “Firefly,” and the upcoming “Dollhouse”; the fact that my indoor voice is the same as my outdoor voice; short hair on girls; short hair on girls with tattoos; The Roloffs from “Little People, Big World”; Aimee Mann, Fiona Apple, and Pink; The Wolfman-Perez-era Teen Titans; Neil Gaiman, JK Rowling, and Philip Pullman; the “peek-a-boo” view from my apartment in Twin Peaks; Bob the Waiter at Sparky’s on Church St.; the falafel at Taboun on Parnassus; the Butch bar at Hot Cookie on Castro; the smell of bookstores; restaurant supply store Kamei on Clement; “Project Runway” and “America’s Next Top Model”; Robert Johnson; Billie Holiday and Sarah Vaughn; Rosemary Clooney and Doris Day;  Cyd Charisse and Gene Kelly; bluegrass music featuring banjo or fiddle pickin’; chocolate covered pretzels; chocolate and peanut butter Haagen-Dazs; tap water, or water from a garden hose; the first shower I take after I get home from camping; the quilt on my bed that my grandma made; the assertiveness I get from my mother; bunnies and kitties and puppies; Professor Corless Smith at San Francisco State; my third grade teacher Ms. DeAlbequerque; my Aunt Renee; baby-smell and those teeny tiny socks they wear; Huxley’s Brave New World and Jasper Fforde’s Thursday Next; plus physics, literature, biology, sociology, and the internet.  And $20 Mexican blankets you buy on the beach in San Diego.

Originally written 11.07